Sobbing Hawk

When I awake from a recurring dream
Where I am a mere man
Loveless
Lost
I awake to stretch my arms
To pray to the One in Seven Heavens
Glide to soar with a child-like verve
Indeed I can see people below, even myself
Crawling creeping phantoms wingless
Zombies walking in humanity’s dreams
(Or shall I say nightmares)
 
And when in passionate prayers circling the clouds
My Mihrab [1] adorned by moon and blue of the skies
Each turn of the helix, I beg
Each tear rolling off the wings, I cherish
And although people below only hear a screech
Sometimes a pip and afterwards only a soaring dot
Not one ever learned my language
The worship that airs through my wings
And never ending blue my solitary cathedral
Novas, stars, nebulas and clouds, the chorus
Chanting: “Untired with loving”, I search for her
I yearn for her
I beg for her
Had a thunder devoured her palatial wings?
Or did a hunter dart her to a sudden death?
Or perhaps she over-slept in a dream, stitched to earth?
 
My wings cry
My tears unheard
A wolf-less bite, vast pain in my chest
The voracious beast left only wings
And a dangling part eaten heart
For as long as I wing away from the loveless dreams
As long as “A Man” I am not, I seek her
Spreading my tears ethereal all over the earth, indeed
Hawks cry not with their tears, but with their fallen feathers
Hawks pray not with their beaks, but with their wings stretched
 
Today it was clear no sight of her possible
And I ask the One who makes the blue
To kill me in flight not in my dreams subdued
Not in dreams were torments give birth to people
Perchance my beloved she has remained asleep
I wish not to behold her with the eyes of a man
But I soar and gaze at the sun stunned
And my tear soaked wings in depth of a glide
Beg the Almighty for the hawk’s eyes
To behold her in flight above
Above the rodents in earthly dreams
To their holes and gluttony they hurried
I fly not to hunt and adventure
I “Am” only in love once in lofty flight
And if I fall into a dream
Become a ghoul of a man
Again heavy
Loveless
Wingless
I roam into oblivion
So this day by Allah’s Grace
I fly out of these man-like dreams
I will glide and soar
Wings flutter and sob
My eyes in deep devotion
I seek her
Ask for her
Indeed the “fatalistic drummer” in my chest [2]
Shall retire…
Either I die on her wings and carried to heavens
Or dart into the sea
Sea of Denial
And either way…
Never the clouds to witness my flight
Nor blue of the skies to devour my sobs


[1] Arabic/Koranic word for a priveate place of worship

[2] T.S.Eliot


Backgound: Haitian baby died, shortly after this picture, from AIDS.

© 2003-2002,  Dara Shayda